One year on, progress and truths.

Enough is enough time to stop wallowing in self-pity. The only one preventing me from thriving on this journey is me.

Anyone who follows my blog or follows my Facebook page knows my weight-loss story. It is one that has spanned decades, from a chubby baby, to a podgy toddler, a chunky child, a fat adolescent and now an obese adult.

It is a constant struggle, I fall off the wagon, I clamber back on, I stumble off, I cling on… and so the vicious circle continues.

I have been successful over the years, therefore I know I can lose weight. I know I am capable of sticking to a healthy plan and exercising regularly. I have lost around 100lbs previously, but of course it went back on and more! Throughout my life I have fluctuated in size, it has been just over a year since I began this journey and I am nowhere near where I wanted to be. Am I as big as I was? No and I confidently know that I never will be again.

Initially I was disappointed and because of this disappointment I stopped writing. What a mistake that was, to punish myself by taking away the thing that I love doing most.

This past year wasn’t just a struggle based around weight-loss but also a struggle around my own mental health. Now I appreciate this is a weight-loss blog so perhaps a post about mental health doesn’t fit in here. However this is my journey, my story so in order to be true to myself I want to discuss this with you.

I have struggled with my own mental health for around 13 years. Over the years I have been told my mental health troubles are a side effect of being overweight, I was told that it was to be expected, I simply cannot be this big and be happy (yes a health professional told me that!)

No matter how many times I explained to my doctors and peers that I was confident within myself and I was losing weight to prevent future health complications not for vanity reasons – I was still told that subconsciously it was because I hated myself. I hated the person I had allowed myself to become. So the solution was always lose weight and my mental health will improve with it.

So that’s what I did. I embarked on a public journey to lose weight and change my future.

I was wrong. Everyone who told me this would help was also wrong.

What I should have done is spent the time trying to improve my mental health before I embarked on such a journey.

I sacrificed my mental health whilst trying to improve my physical health.

So what haven’t you seen this past year?

You haven’t seen the days of not eating – too unmotivated and stuck in perpetual sadness to eat.

You haven’t seen the aftermath coming from the days of not eating – guilt ridden days of feeling like I have let everyone down which leads to eating everything and anything in sight (not literally – but a lot of food!) – Which then of course leads back to starving mode.

You haven’t seen the relentless tears through fear that I’ve left everybody down.

I would describe my depression and other mental health issues as the dementors from Harry Potter – they come and drain any inch of happiness you have and leave you surrounded by your own fears, in a state of desperation and everlasting despair.

Why am I telling you this?

Because suffering with some form of mental illness is NOTHING to be ashamed of, everyone has mental health, just like everyone has physical health, sometimes you are well and sometimes you are not.

To lose a substantial amount of weight you need to be doing it for all the right reasons. This year I wasn’t. I also didn’t have the mental strength to deal with the knock backs.

The past 6-7 months have been spent finally discussing my illnesses and finding help that works for me.

Now I find myself one year on since starting this journey and no I haven’t lost as much weight as I would have liked, but for the first time in 13 years I am managing my own mental health and I am not controlled by it – I would say that is a victory.

So to anyone who is suffering, take the time you need, the scales will still be there in a few weeks. You need to believe that you can do this, believe in yourself and your abilities.

I often get people messaging me with hate, complaining that I am glamorizing obesity and making it ok for overweight people like me to love themselves and how I should be ashamed of myself.

Firstly, why shouldn’t we love ourselves? Just because we are overweight does not mean that we should spend our lives hating ourselves and punishing ourselves.

Secondly, empowering and encouraging people to love themselves throughout their journey spreads positivity, if someone is positive they yield far better results.

Thirdly, Losing weight does not solve all of your problems. By addressing these confidence issues along the way, hopefully when someone reaches their goal they won’t still be picking fault every time they look in a mirror, or calling themselves names.

I am not ashamed of myself for anything I write or say, I have never confessed to being an expert however years of dieting have given me plenty of experience to pass on.

I will also not apologise for helping people love themselves no matter their journey.

Body shaming on any level is unacceptable – be that fat shaming or skinny shaming. United we can share our experiences and help each other, losing weight is a hard task but one that seems a little less daunting when you know so many other people struggle like you.

 

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24 thoughts on “One year on, progress and truths.

  1. People really take the time to send you hate mail? Sheesh! I love what you’re doing and what you’re saying. As someone who also struggles with depression and my weight, this post shouts victory! Keep it up 🙂

    • Indeed they do! It’s died down thankfully recently but some if horrendous!! However I try my utmost to ensure it doesn’t bother me! They clearly have nothing better to do than stalk me 😉 haha xxxxx

  2. It’s nice to have you back with us chick.Mental Health is a serious issue to be dealt with in the right way. I suffer from anxiety and my partner has to take medication as he has suffered from depression for a long time so I understand how it must feel. Your post is inspiring and talks about important issues. I am surprised people get in touch just to tell you horrible things but then that’s the way of the internet. The keyboard warriors hide behind their PC because they would never dare say anything like that to you face to face. xx

    • You’re doing so well, I will admit to stalking you for inspiration 😉 ❤ I'm so happy for you 🙂 Thank you so much it honestly feels great to be back with a long post, very overdue! xxx

      • Thank you beautiful, I’m feeling really positive and have got the next few months off uni so apart from the odd shift at work I’ve got no excuse!!

        You look amazing so you know you can bloody well do this. Are you still hitting the gym? xx

      • Yeah I’m still hitting the gym. it’s part of my routine now so theres no going back on that. I’m struggling with my nutrition. My portions are still to big and I keep eating when I don’t really need to so I could do with some help in that department!;)

      • They’ve got some on Amazon not too much if you have a hunt around.

        I know that’s the rubbish thing, if you go too small you get hungry, if you get hungry you’re more likely to stray!

        Perhaps bulk it up with veg or salad?

        I’m just calorie counting at the moment, so having sometimes 4-5 small meals/snacks throughout the day to keep the hunger at bay (all within my calories.) xxxx

      • My granny always said, eat like a king for breakfast, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. As that way you have more time to burn off etc. I’m rubbish at this though haha. I usually have most of my carbs for breakfast, so granola, or porridge, scrambled egg and toast, yoghurt and fresh fruit etc 🙂

        Then lunch either soup, or a salad.

        Mid afternoon I may have hummus and veg sticks etc as a mini meal or some fruit and Greek yoghurt.

        Evening my meals aren’t that much smaller but I try and home cook and keep the calories down – so today I’ve made two individual cottage pies topped with sweet potato (one each for the man and I) I’ll put a picture on my Facebook later so you can see size wise. But it only works out at 352 calories each, we’ll have some veg etc with it as well so it should finish less than 500. But still feels like a proper home cooked comfort meal!

        Then in the evening if I’m hungry I will make a cup of tea first and drink that and if I’m still hungry (I do this to make sure I’m not just thirsty haha) sugar free jelly, fruit, hummus again, nuts etc.

        Does that make sense? I think I’ve confused myself! Haha. Xxx

      • I know I saw those cottage pies and they look delish! I heard that about the portion sizes but me and my partner eat at the same time, much like you and yours and if I put a small plate in front of him, he would go, ‘where’s the rest?’ haha. So I think its a case of making sure my portion is the right size for me and giving him what he wants. I love hummus but never have anything healthy to dip in it. I need to invest in some carrots I think! Thanks for lal your advice. The evenings are when I struggle the most. Hopefully we can motivate each other? xxx

      • I struggle evenings too believe me, my biggest downfall. Especially when the man sits next to me and eats not stop rubbish (he’s super skinny. And plays football and cricket every week so needs it!)

        Yes please motivation buddy 🙂 xxxxxx

      • ah that sucks doesn’t it?Lee isn’t skinny, in fact he has a right belly on him but he works a physical job too so comes home for a beer and eats whatever he likes.What do you have today to eat for your evening meal?I don’t plan which is half my problem, I just see what I fancy when I get in.

      • We’re having soup this evening hence why I had a big lunch, the man was meant to be heading to football training so soup is easy for both of us to eat at different times. We try and do a monthly plan, sit down and work out main meals for the month that way he gets a say and can help with ideas!! You decided on dinner yet? xxx

      • I ended up making chicken wraps, I only had one as there are 189 calories in a wrap but gave Lee two. I’m not doing too bad at cutting my dinner portions down. Just had Fruit n Fibre for breakfast and got mushroom risotto for lunch.What do you have today?

      • I’ve been called in to work for a little shift this morning so have a banana and a nectarine and a yoghurt. Then mad rush to get home for a quick salad as I’m off out with my friend tonight to see Spandau Ballet 😉 hahaha I won free tickets so off to boogie to 80s music!

        I have just found thin bagels though so I’m going to make have one of those for a packed dinner out hahaha xxxx

      • I work at Costcutter part time it’s only a little village shop, I usually only work weekends though as at uni during the week but it’s summer holidays at the moment 🙂 I’m also a student ambassador at my uni.

        What do you get up to? 🙂 xxx

      • I work full time in an office job doing admin and marketing; its ok but my love is writing so I would love to be able to do that more. Hence why I write this blog in the hopes that one day someone will see something awesome in me and make it so I can be a blogger full time. A girl can dream eh?What are you studying?

      • Sorry only just realised I never wrote back! How rude of me!

        That sounds like a plan – exactly why I write my blogs 🙂

        I’ve just finished my second year for a degree in journalism. But the plan is to retrain to be a teacher at the end of me degree and then teach full time and do freelance journalism. That’s the plan anyway!!!

        I enjoy writing so much I’m scared a full time journalism position will make me resent it. Although I certainly wouldn’t turn one down!

        I love your blog so I’ll keep my fingers crossed the right people are looking 😍😍 xxx

  3. Do you know what lovely?? Battled with mental health issues for years and am living proof that you can come out the other side. I struggle with my weight but we are more than a number on a,scale. Bloody society judging hips,bums thighs it’s a pity they can’t judge kindness, generosity and heart x

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