Pinch me is this real? Have I really lost over 5 stone?
Throwback to a year ago and I was attending monthly appointments in preparation for weight loss surgery. Yes you read that right. I was contemplating a drastic measure in order to lose weight, I was desperate and seeking an answer.
I applaud anyone who has taken the measures I was so close to taking. Weight loss surgery IS NOT the easy way out. There is no easy way out when it comes to weight loss, yes people may lose weight at a quicker speed after surgery but that DOES NOT mean their journey is easier. Weight loss surgery changes you for life, it completely changes your relationship with food and the quantities you can eat, but it doesn’t stop you eating, it requires a massive level of commitment, determination and risk.
What stopped me from going under the knife? I wasn’t ready to commit to life long change. I was scared. I am also not ashamed to admit, that I simply was not prepared to limit my food intake for the rest of my life. I wanted to give myself one last shot ‘doing it on my own’ before I reassessed whether gastric surgery was for me.
Flashback to today and boy am I glad I gave myself one more shot. Yes it took me a few months and more than a few pounds gained before I walked into my first Slimming World meeting, but today I am lighter than I have been for years. In fact I cannot remember the last time I was in the 16 stone bracket, but today I am!!
I keep having to pinch myself and tell myself that yes I have really lost 5 stone, I have really done it this time. I have spent my whole life wishing I was smaller, picturing all the clothes I wanted to wear, but couldn’t, fantasising over all the things I would do if only I lost weight. I spent far too many lost minutes and hours staring at my reflection loathing the person I saw in front of me. I was angry, how had I let myself get this big? Why didn’t I have the strength and will power to change. It was a viscous circle, the more I hated my size the more I sought comfort in food and thus the more pounds I piled on.
I could spend my whole life wondering ‘why now’, ‘why didn’t I do this years ago’ but that would get me no where. I wasn’t ready then, I wasn’t prepared and I certainly wasn’t committed to the lifestyle change. I am now and there is no stopping me, yes there may be hiccups on the way (I am yet to have my first ‘gain’) but this is it. I am looking forward to working my way through my ‘Fat List’, a list of all the things I want to do but won’t due to my weight.
I look back at pictures of myself and feel sad, not at my weight or just the fact that I clearly didn’t photograph as well when I was younger, but at the lost girl staring back at me. I spent far too many years trying to find the answer, when it was right in front of me, I’ve had all the answers I just needed the tools to help me.
More blog posts coming soon but for now feel free to laugh at the amazing photo gallery I have included below.