Hello my name is Sarah and I am addicted to food.
It has been ten minutes since my last bite of chocolate and believe me the irony of writing about food addiction whilst shovelling in a family size bar of chocolate hasn’t gone unnoticed. I have a problem.
I have discussed this topic before but feel it is relevant and worth discussing again so here I am, sitting in pyjamas that pre pregnancy hung off me and now they seem to cling to so many rolls that I’d have enough to open up a bakery. It’s not just a muffin top it’s a muffin factory.
I am the girl who shovels in so much crap that she literally gives herself the shits. I sit full of regret as the tap is turned on and my stomach clenches in agony, I hate myself and yet soon enough I’m seeking out something else to shove in my pie hole.
I am the girl who when she grew up her favourite past time was baking, licking the bowl and eating. The only difference is these days I cannot be bothered to put the effort into baking and licking the bowl and just want to go straight to the eating part.
I have been known to buy ‘goodies’ for the evening for both my partner and I only to eat them before he gets home, hide the evidence and quickly shuffle out to replace them.
Growing up I would eat penguins and other sugary snacks like they were going out of business always quickly, ashamed that someone might catch me literally with my hand in the cookie jar. Who enjoys a chocolate bar when it’s gone in two seconds flat? I certainly didn’t but still I’d pile them in in secret. I even once wrapped the wrappers up in toilet roll and flushed them down the toilet (sorry sea life). Seriously who does that? Me. I do that.
Food addiction is a real problem.
It’s one I face on a daily basis.
Some days I win, and I feel so unbelievably proud of myself. Other days I literally eat the entire contents of the cupboard and hate myself.
I can’t just buy a chocolate bar, I have to buy a family size bar. I reason with myself that it makes more sense, after all a chocolate bar is around 70p and a family size bar is £1. So I’ll just have a few lines and save the rest. Obviously I’m fooling no one and it all gets eaten.
Food is all around us. Every other advert on television is food, restaurants are everywhere, supermarkets are everywhere, food is literally surrounding us. We have to eat to survive. It simply cannot be avoided.
When I was younger I used to smoke, since falling pregnant and having Arlo I haven’t touched a cigarette, don’t get me wrong I occasionally really fancy one, usually only once I’ve had an alcoholic drink and thankfully I’m not a drinker so it rarely happens. I quit smoking and didn’t look back.
But I cannot quit food. My love of food can kill me just as much as my cheeky fag post cider. And yet I cannot fight the urge to shovel in everything I shouldn’t have.
I’m an all or nothing girl and when I’m “on plan” I smash it. But when I stumble “off plan” I inhale any food that comes my way.
It’s a real problem. To some this may sound ridiculous. Simply say no. Pick the salad and not the chocolate. It’s easy. I’m here speaking up for all the people like me. We know we have a problem and yet still we pile in the food.
Some days I would even openly hold my hands up and say I have an eating disorder, one that is perhaps less heard of.
Binge eating disorder, which putting it simply is when a person feels compelled to eat large quantities of food in a short amount of time.
The point of this post? It’s not to get people to feel sorry for me, it’s so people like me realise they are not alone, and people who don’t understand me realise I’m not just a greedy guts, it’s an addiction I’m fighting daily.