20 thoughts of a Slimming Worlder.

The following post contains bad language. I’m also hoping it makes you laugh rather than offends!

  1. Weigh day has arrived, please please please let me poo before it’s time to face the scales.
  2. Me: How much have you lost this week?”,  Janet: “10lbs”, Me: “Wow well done, i’m chuffed for you.” Screams internally FUUUUUCK YOU!
  3. Partner: “that looks nice can I have some?!”, Me: “I have carefully counted every syn on my plate, you have the choice of the entire cupboard, so no you can not have any.”
  4. I need to stock up on hifis, how many boxes can I buy without looking like I have a serious hifi problem.
  5. I lost half a pound this week I’m really chuffed. Translates to: I could probably shit half a pound. I’m trying to remain positive but I’m crying inside.
  6. I wasted syns on that 🤦🏻‍♀️. I want a refund.
  7. Eating all the veg results it one of three things. I get constipated, or at the other end of the spectrum I’m constantly shitting. And like Pumba my farts could clear the Savannah.
  8. Partner/friend eats something delicious and tempting. “Do you want some?”, “no I’m on a diet remember” thinks – ” I hate you. Could you possibly chew any louder.”
  9. I’ll meal prep then I have no excuse. On the fourth day of eating the same lunch. “This was the worst idea ever.”
  10. I’d rather be fat and eat what I want.
  11. I feel slimmer. Steps on scales. Well fuck you.
  12. Weigh day has arrived, it’s torrential rain but no way am I wearing my jeans. My leggings weigh less.
  13. Quark with options hot chocolate is really nice. Eats half a tub. I’m literally eating cheese mixed with chocolate powder to get my sweet fix, FML.
  14. Slimming World aka Fat Club/ Chub Club/ Fat Fighters.
  15. Barbara: “I’m chuffed I lost 3lbs this week, and I had a chinese, an Indian and a family size bar of chocolate.” Me: “I hate you.”
  16. January has arrived, it now takes double the time to get weighed with all the new members. March, normal service resumes.
  17. Finding the lone slightly soft apple in your fruit basket and thinking shit that’ll have to do. Discreetly deposits into the slimmer of the week basket.
  18. I’ve done so well this week, roll on weigh day. Star week rocks up to kick you in the womb. Waves goodbye to that good loss.
  19. Calculating the syns in everything. Partner eats ice cream, “you’re eating 70 syns.”
  20. Can I take my watch, glasses and earrings off and weigh again? Give me that shiny bloody sticker.
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